phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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