Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Betty ford says i'm here all night
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
