R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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