Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
