At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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