is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
