is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
