She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
