The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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