I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
