when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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