Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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