I wish I only lived at night.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
