if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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