Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
