Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
