yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Less talking, more tequila
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
