im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
