Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Still dying that you shit outside
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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