I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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