its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
