Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
