8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
