Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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