Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
