Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
