i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
A+ Viking dick
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