My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
