Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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