He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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