i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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