I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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