the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
