That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
