you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
