There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
