Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My vagina just recognized that song.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
