Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
