So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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