I like to think it a success when the cops are called
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
