Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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