epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
