I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
