just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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