So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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