Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
