his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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