Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
