The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
