For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
