My liver just broke up with me...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
