She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
pray to the hookup gods
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
