Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
