I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
