She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm like, not good at living.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
