All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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